My little girl is 3 now but from the first day in the hospital she latched straight on and I was told technique was fine, she was putting on weight and that was that, we left the hospital and started our feeding journey.
But I didn't know what to expect, I was traumatised from the birth and then felt like because she was feeding so well, people thought that I was coping. I was obsessed with recording feeds and which sides in the very early days and marked 22 feeds in 24 hours. I didn't realise after she had fed she was flutter sucking and I thought she was still awake. So I stayed awake, terrified of falling asleep, and by the time she eventually came off, she was ready to go again and I was getting seriously deprived of sleep. I thought I was going mad, googling can tiredness kill me!
She seemed so unsettled when not feeding. I felt lost in it all like no one understood how overwhelmed I was feeling or how hard my mental health was being affected.
There was a certain assumption that because I was breastfeeding, there was not much people could do to help in the early days but if I were to do it all again I would push for more support for myself in other ways. Even someone being with me sometimes during all the nights feeds would have helped me feel less isolated. The bedroom door would close and I would get serious night dreads about the long stretch ahead.
It got easier as she got older, the gaps between the feeds increased and I started to look forward to being able to sit down with her and enjoy the quiet feeds just the two of us.
I just wish I had been signposted to information at the start of my journey, about where to access peer support / discuss problems I may face, gently finishing breastfeeding etc.
I have no regrets though, our journey was a massive achievement for us both and we had so many nice moments together 😊
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